dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
