david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
