I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
