I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
