I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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