You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
