I didn't shave. On purpose
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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