This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize