Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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