I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
only you would photoshop your dick
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
