Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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