So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
