i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
