I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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