I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
