she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize