dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
