my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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