Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
