alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize