Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
