Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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