I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
