Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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