And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
