I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
