So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize