you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
