I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
