There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
