Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
