She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
