you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
