so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
