the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
