It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
