Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize