Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
did i just pee glitter
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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