Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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