Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
