i think my mom watched the whole time
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
