i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
jump out the window naked night went bad
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize