my mouth tastes like poor choices
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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