Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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