just come out here and I will go home with you...
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
