i would punch a child for taco bell
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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