But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
