I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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