I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize