she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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