ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
