At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
