I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I understand Curling. That high.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
