I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize