I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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