At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
