i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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