I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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