i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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