I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
As shirtless as possible
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
