tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
