she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
