I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
