Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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