JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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