I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
