yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
