Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
