i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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