we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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