I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
