I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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