Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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