Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
