Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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