The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
