I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
