Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
