how can u be prego again
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
should my penis look like a turkey
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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