I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
