i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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