you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
