Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
