this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
