i'm lost and i look like a hooker
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
