so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
