There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Randomize
