What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
