Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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