I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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