Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
