Tell her she can't have a vagina
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
