he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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