You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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