i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
