i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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