remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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