awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
