Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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