My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
