tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
