I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
